This is a pretty classic bit of art. From the days, it seems, when David was more of a Sailor Moon fan - it's a promo piece for StarMech. Note the awful art, and prominently featured is the manly Sailor Moon fawning over - who else? - Davey-Kins. Only it's not David Gonterman - it's David Kronos. Who's basically Gonterman anyway.
Inept furry art. Yay! David's comment on this: "From my FoxFire Comic Strip sketches. A new rabbit Zoot, who gets a two year old host. Her name is Bunnykins. From a friend in ICQ who's into age regression stories." Age regression. If you'll pardon me, I'm going to go scrub my hands until I'm bleeding. I will never, never feel clean again.
This is pretty much an abomination, honestly. Do you like wrestling? I must confess to being a fan myself, and anyone who's watched it ever knows what "SCSA" is (or who), which is what makes this piece so very spectacular. David Gonterman meets Stone Cold Steve Austin! David appears to be twice Austin's size! Also Austin is missing his trademark goatee and appears to be pregnant! Jesus!
Random Fauna Force sketch. "Plug me and hug me?" (cry) David's comment here: "Some sketches for Fauna Force. Including Astra (the cat) and JB, one of them hugging his favorite computer. Looks like Trixie Lop is having some competition for the iMac's corporate Mascot. But who can blame Jonathan? The iMac's the Volkswagon Beetle (current version) of the computer world." Root's comment on that: "Hmmmm... Let's see... Misshapen cat girls, a half-naked Johnathon Brisby, and JB humping an IMac... It's Davy-kins' SEXUAL WISH LIST! And the phrase "Plug Me and Hug Me" is just so wrong on so many levels..." And my comment? I hadn't thought anything about Davey could shock me, but the knowledge that he loves the iMac has done so neatly. Kudos.
I can only assume that this is an ad or promo of some sort. The art alone should qualify this as not so much an ad but a dire warning. Also, "Public Internet Station?" David said: "A humorous one-panel based on the song 'This Note's For You'" Humorous is up for debate. At least the way he meant it.
Crossover fun! Visitors to Portal of Evil need no introduction to Rael the 80/20 Bunny Girl. The GonterTribute is, well...okay, it sucks. Were you expecting anything else? Lir, on the other hand, gets points for kind of maybe looking somewhat sort of a little feminine if you squint.
Rock! I'm not really sure what this is all about - the blue freakshow on the left is clearly supposed to be one of Davey-Kins's many incarnations, judging by the glasses and the mullet. This is probably a drawing of him and some internet friends rockin' hard in some imaginary band. After some close examination I have decided that the yellow thing in the hands of the brown guy on the left is, in fact, a guitar. It has no pickups and no frets and is on a chain for some inexplicable reason - none of this really matters because although it is clearly an electric guitar it isn't plugged into anything and has no wireless plug on it either. Why it has a whammy bar but no pickups is beyond me - it's like putting anti-lock brakes on a car with no wheels. Not that it matters much, as Blue David's keyboard isn't plugged into a damn thing either. Overall a very entertaining piece.
Ah yes. More shots of the happy couple. This is inexplicably depressing. What does this have to do with Guns n' Roses? The name of a story perhaps? Considering the source, does it matter? David said: "Everyone's favorite Meatball Head in this Guns and Roses Sketch. I wanted to give her Fuku a redesign for the whole SMUSA series (going up to her Mecha Morph) She'll be getting a new scepter too in a future sketch. (I just need to get another copier to work) " Well, great. I really could take or leave Sailor Moon, but I kind of didn't see her costume as needing a makeover. Or, specifically, that makeover in particular.
Scarlet FoxFire. Looking about as sexy as a bag of leaves. Dave said: "From my FoxFire Comic Strip Sketches. Scarlet-chan in her usual yiffiness." Root said: "~GURVE~" and I can certainly agree with that.
Jonathan Brisby! Looking very...um. What's with the fucking rings? Is that a bird in his hand, or a large marshmallow peep? The world may never know. Hopefully.
Uhm. David said: "From my Fauna Force Sketches. JB finds Go and offers to fix a bad injury in his back. The artist who owns this chatacter is a very superb Manga-style artist, and I'd like to give in a "Hell, Yeah" via a pic of his faveorite squirrel. :) Soon to be colored." I don't call that a tribute, but who am I. Root put it best, though: "I made up my own caption for this one... Johnathon Brisby sez: 'It's time for sodomy in the bottomy!'"
Here, in David's own words, is Justin: "In Fauna Force, Justin is the only survivor of the original Rat of NIMH, and is the acting president of the Thorn Valley community. As you can see, in this beta sketch, he wrears his age well. He'll pop in when JB will least expect it in Ish #2." Root said: "Thanks for telling me it's a rat Davy... I honestly would never have figured that out on my own..." And honestly, Root's not kidding. It looks like a cat shitting out an earthworm. My problem, other than that horrifying mental image, is that his shirt only serves to point out the fact that he's wearing a hat, and a shirt, and a tie, but no pants. For some reason Donald Duck can get away with it, and it looks fine, but this poor chap can't.
Mwah! If you haven't read NiTRO, go do that. Then come back and look at this and tell me if you can think of anything but "Clinton Jobs." David said: "Being an 'droid originaly meant to topple Data in the Human-like area, but ended up as fodder for Hephner's mansion, until I restored the model--or tried to--with my NiTRO series, B2Kers, like Roll Rabbit here, are the affectionate sort." Root nailed it right on the head: "Once again the amazing virgin/whore dichotomy in David's work comes in to play... 'You see the girl was like... you know... a slut? But then like I redeemed her and like she's good and stuff... And she gives me a sex a lot too... Durrrrr....'" Durrrr, indeed.
Christ. David says: "From my AAA Sketches. AAA is a Fan-Wrestling League where FoxFire Studios is a major role. The AAA Web page is at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/AuthorAvatars.html . Here, Lillith, from Capcom's Darkstalkers series, finds Jonathan and becomes another one of his 'Mousketeers,' much to Morrigan's second opinion." Uh. If not for the drawing (and I use the term loosely) of Lilith in the background and the fact that David says this is Morrigan, I would not have known who the hell that was. It looks like a boy in drag with giant ham-hock legs. Also: Morrigan has short hair. Morrigan does NOT have a mullet. Come to think of it, it looks an awful lot like David... Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.
Guh? Let's go to the author's commentary and see if we can't figure this one out..."From my FoxFire Comic Strip Sketches. Nalli is a character from an old friend of mine, Wil Katzen. He created Mune for SMUSA. This is an older sketch of Nalli, but it's a better quality pic, so I kept it." Well, I have no idea who this Wil Katzen is, but I feel very, very sorry for him. Root probably put this best though: "One of my favorite expressions to use is 'Whiffle' which is the sound I think you'd get it you were to speak the abbreviation 'WTF'... Here's an example of usage, I viewed this picture then instantly exclaimed, 'WHIFFLE!?'" Personally, I just said "What the fuck?" but that, I suppose, is me.
It's Rasco! Looking buff, tough, and gayer than Elton John blowing Boy George while getting pounded from behind by George Michael at a Judy Garland film festival that is being held in San Fancisco and sponsored by Liza Minnelli and a company that makes leather jockstraps for men named Bruce with handlebar moustaches! David said: "Rasco is a character from a more cannonized sequel to The Secret of NIMH ('Rasco and the Rats of NIMH'). He makes his debuit as a Fauna Force character in Ish 2-3. Rasco is another Rodent Sapien who left Thorn Valley for the mean streets of New York City, and is a childhood friend of JB, so he answered the call to come to his aid." Root said, more succinctly than I ever could, "Secret of NIMH + Village People = Rasco."
Roll returns. David says: "Since Roll Rabbit, a character in 'NiTRO' was inspired by Roll in Mega Man, I thought I'd redesign her outfit to match. This is after a scene where she gets a complete mantainance check by Dr. Light." Root says: "Judging from the ways he's tarnished DarkStalkers and MegaMan, I'm assuming Davy-kins likes Capcom. And what's that thing on Roll's arm!? Is Gonterman going after Bionic Commando next!?!? NOOOOOOOOO!" And I say - no, the thing on her arm is the Mega Buster, or the Gonter-version thereof, unless you are suggesting that Roll has a body like that of Bionic Commando, in which case I would have to say yes.
Oh lordy. Gonterman says: "Far be it from me to give Good Ol' JR a hard time with his Bells Palsey, in the UWC Wrestling E-Fed he has a device strapped to his head which helps control his face and gets him to talk better. Dispite some initial gripping, he's grown to appreciate what it does." A little background on this: Jim Ross is one of the best-loved figures in the world of pro wrestling - he does commentary for the World Wrestling Federation. For some time, he struggled with Bells Palsy, a condition that paralyzes half the face - actually he has been much better of late after suffering a relapse some time ago following the death of his mother. Ross got better on his own - that notwithstanding, I can honestly say that this is one of the most insulting and idiotic things I have ever seen in my life.
Sarah! Davey-Kins says: "Sarah is a spirit who haunts a Tails Costume that she died in. During SMUSA she not only got her costume a decent repair and alteration, she's slated to return in a future ish of SMUSA as a 'kitsune'." I say, he has this disturbing habit of drawing women in that goofy pose with their hands at their sides. Perhaps she is doing this to stop her legs from expanding? If so, it's not working.
Hooray! New scepter for Sailor GonterMoon! David said: "Not only a colored look at the Fuku Usagi-chan gets in Guns & Roses, but a view of the new Scepter she gets to swing around." I finally figured out what a "fuku" is - apparently it's Japanese for "clothing," but in this context David takes it to mean a costume. Admittedly I don't watch a lot of Sailor Moon, but from the little I have seen, I can see very little difference between her, uh, "fuku" on the series, and the one David has given her. Unless of course the "fuku" includes MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF ANABOLIC STEROIDS. Which, looking at this picture, it probably does. Root put it rather well, too: "'Holy SHottS Davy-kins! Thank yuo for teh scepter! Its' soo phracking big and long and hard! I want to play with it all day!! OH Yerf!'"
This piece is described by David as follows: "From my SMUSA Sketches. Sailor Sirius, Tanya Cambridge, is replacing the desceased Neptune in the SMUSA Roster. In this pic, she's meeting some of the critters around Cherry Hill. Soon to be colored." Right, well I...Wait a minute, that's supposed to be a female in the center? What the hell? Seriously, what in the holy fucking hell? And what the Christ is Jonathan leaning on? A giant fucking Slim Jim?
David says: "There was someone in the Fursuit Mailing List who griped about someone removing pics of his zoot, wishing he has a pic of the writers Raccoon Zoot. I didn't have a camera, but I did had a pen and paper." Root sums it up for both of us: "I can't say this enough.... ~CRY~!"
Well, this is just...I honestly don't know what to say about this. David says: "A commissioned pic of three Animorphs--robotic furries, made by Prowler. Soon to be colored." Root says, "Furry... Transformers... That and the priceless graphitti in the background create a truly soul-destroying work of art..." And me? I have little to say about this one. I can't stop crying.