Tag Archives: writing


[20:19] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Hey =)
[20:21] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Just wanted to message to say I’m sorry Selivielle was being such a jerk…I think your english is really good!
[20:23] <@Azira_Oathsworn> I’m Azira Oathsworn. I was a Silver Elf before somehow being reincarnated into this reality…
[20:24] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Also I think I might be part vamp sometimes, heh =)

[20:24] <@Lisra____> im lisra
[20:25] <@Lisra____> youre an elf?
[20:25] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Hello, Lisra! ‘Tis good to make your acquaintence
[20:25] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Yes

[20:27] <@Azira_Oathsworn> I lived in Lithersbaine, in a village called Moon’s Cradle. I must have somehow died and wound up here in this body, which isn’t too bad seeing how I work out several times a week…
[20:27] <@Lisra____> you died
[20:27] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Yes
[20:28] <@Azira_Oathsworn> I first awakened to my true past when I was 14.
[20:28] <@Lisra____> you have friends
[20:29] <@Azira_Oathsworn> In the village? Or, like…IRL?
[20:29] <@Lisra____> any
[20:32] <@Azira_Oathsworn> No. I was a loner back then too. Besides, I don’t have TIME for many friends, between practicing martial arts and my job. But maybe I’m just scared of getting close to anyone…
[20:32] <@Lisra____> so you dont have no one you see
[20:32] <@Lisra____> besides the martial arts and the job
[20:33] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Haha, no I’m not seeing anyone.
[20:33] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Oh hey, you never said what your kin type was…

[20:33] <@Lisra____> what ?
[20:34] <@Azira_Oathsworn> You know, your kin type? Let’s just hope youre not a DRAGON, hahaha… jk if you’re a dragon it’s cool! haha
[20:35] <@Lisra____> oh
[20:35] <@Lisra____> like the kind of shape i have
[20:35] <@Lisra____> what kind of creature
[20:35] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Yes
[20:36] <@Lisra____> im a lalocanther
[20:36] <@Azira_Oathsworn> A what?
[20:37] <@Lisra____> you know how its called
[20:37] <@Lisra____> the men dug into the earth and there lived a lalocanther and another and another
[20:38] <@Azira_Oathsworn> No I’ve never heard of that…
[20:39] <@Azira_Oathsworn> My friend Fuzzy is a manticore though! Well, half manticore
[20:40] <@Azira_Oathsworn> They recently discovered they were also part kitsune. So I guess I’m saying I know all kinds of strange creatures! =)

[20:40] <@Lisra____> good you can know me
[20:40] <@Lisra____> im make hot glue
[20:41] <@Azira_Oathsworn> What, like sculptures?
[20:42] <@Lisra____> sure
[20:42] <@Azira_Oathsworn> So what does a lolocanther look like?
[20:42] <@Lisra____> its lalocanther
[20:42] <@Lisra____> i have, eyes
[20:43] <@Lisra____> and what is a ring my head, like scallopp
[20:43] <@Azira_Oathsworn> You mean scalloped? Like a triceratops crest?
[20:43] <@Lisra____> sure
[20:44] <@Azira_Oathsworn> So English isn’t your first language?
[20:46] <@Lisra____> no
[20:46] <@Lisra____> i’ll tell you more about my kind of shape
[20:46] <@Lisra____> do you like it
[20:47] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Do I like your shape? I’m not sure what it is! But I bet it’s good. *grins*
[20:47] <@Lisra____> good
[20:47] <@Lisra____> the middle is robust
[20:48] <@Lisra____> good and sturdy for it
[20:48] <@Azira_Oathsworn> *scratches head* Not sure I can picture it…
[20:50] <@Lisra____> no
[20:51] <@Lisra____> but theres a face that is my face and it sings
[20:51] <@Lisra____> good songs
[20:51] <@Azira_Oathsworn> What kind of — oh haha you answered my question!
[20:51] <@Lisra____> good songs
[20:51] <@Azira_Oathsworn> I was going to ask what kind of songs you sing…
[20:53] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Do you like to sing? I’ve been told I have a powerful singing voice but I like to play guitar and accompany a beautiful voice just as much…

[20:53] <@Lisra____> well
[20:53] <@Lisra____> right now its not singing
[20:54] <@Lisra____> it singed before a long while and then it has to grow back,
[20:54] <@Lisra____> before it sings again
[20:54] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Are you a poet, Lisra? I like poetry
[20:54] <@Lisra____> it can sing soon
[20:55] <@Azira_Oathsworn> What, like…in person? IRL?
[20:55] <@Lisra____> yes
[20:55] <@Lisra____> ys
[20:56] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Well sure, I’d be open to that. But I haven’t even seen your picture yet!
[20:57] <@Lisra____> where do u live
[20:58] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Well haha, I live in Barnegat Light, New Jersey…and it’s actually not bad! I don’t know if you’ve heard anything about here haha
[20:58] <@Azira_Oathsworn> So that’s where I live…where do you live?
[20:58] <@Lisra____> so u live near the water
[20:58] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Yep…
[20:59] <@Lisra____> whats an elf
[20:59] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Haha…Very funny.
[20:59] <@Lisra____> do u like
[21:00] <@Lisra____> do u want me to say more about my shape & u can like it
[21:00] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Sure. I’d like to hear about your shape very much…
[21:00] <@Azira_Oathsworn> You can send me a picture if you like…(email redacted)

[21:00] <@Lisra____> good
[21:00] <@Lisra____> u will receive it
[21:01] <@Lisra____> it will make you have a good time
[21:01] <@Lisra____> u will make hot glue
[21:01] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Oh I bet…
[21:01] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Haha it kind of sounds like you have another “hot glue” in mind…
[21:02] <@Azira_Oathsworn> omg sorry! Excuse me…dont know where that came from

[21:02] <@Lisra____> yese
[21:02] <@Lisra____> thats what i want, for u to make it
[21:03] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Well let’s just say I’m very intrigued…
[21:04] <@Azira_Oathsworn> *puts hand just above your knee*

[21:04] <@Lisra____> yees
[21:05] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Oh, do you like that? So what do you look like, you naughty thing… 😉
[21:05] <@Lisra____> eyes
[21:05] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Heh…it wasn’t a yes or no question
[21:07] <@Lisra____> i look like
[21:07] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Start with your face…
[21:08] <@Azira_Oathsworn> …do you like when I tell you what to do? *brushes your cheek with a finger*
[21:08] <@Lisra____> i look like the face sloughing off its caul
[21:08] <@Lisra____> the maneuvering protuberances swish and swing and move forward
[21:09] <@Lisra____> move me forward
[21:09] <@Lisra____> or away! they can move in so variety of ways
[21:09] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Nice…I mean IRL though…
[21:09] <@Azira_Oathsworn> ya know like
[21:10] <@Azira_Oathsworn> oh hey! an email from you!
[21:10] <@Azira_Oathsworn> does it have naughty pics in it…?

[21:10] <@Lisra____> yes
[21:11] <@Lisra____> wait
[21:11] <@Lisra____> no
[21:11] <@Lisra____> i’ll make them for u
[21:11] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Yeah I’m not sure how to open this attachment.
[21:11] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Oooh good…
[21:12] <@Azira_Oathsworn> While I’m waiting…what color are your eyes?

[21:13] <@Lisra____> the ringed ones or on the face? the face ones arent real
[21:13] <@Azira_Oathsworn> No, I mean IRL.
[21:13] <@Lisra____> i dont know whats this
[21:14] <@Azira_Oathsworn> You know…IRL? Should I describe my IRL self for you?
[21:14] <@Lisra____> no i dont want
[21:14] <@Lisra____> you said youve got a job
[21:15] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Yeah, I’m an assistant shift manager at the deli counter at (employer redacted). And a certified deli slicer operator! Heh it’s cool though
[21:16] <@Lisra____> do u dig in the earth for money or coins
[21:16] <@Azira_Oathsworn> What, like…
[21:16] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Construction?

[21:16] <@Lisra____> for ur job
[21:17] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Oh, no I don’t. I just operate the deli slicer and weigh the cut and package it up!
[21:17] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Why?

[21:17] <@Lisra____> i sent u an email
[21:17] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Hey I just looked up scallops…let’s just say I HOPE you mean you’ve got parts that are scalloped, haha. Have you ever seen a scallop up close? Their eyes are
[21:18] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Oh, a music file?

[21:18] <@Lisra____> its the song
[21:19] <@Lisra____> thats how i make new ones
[21:20] <@Lisra____> i sing the song & the face crusts up & falls off & i pray & whisper until i forget the song
[21:20] <@Lisra____> & what it was
[21:20] <@Lisra____> & it is gone
[21:21] <@Lisra____> then its not anywhere except in a between
[21:21] <@Lisra____> where no one knows it & no one heard it
[21:21] <@Lisra____> & then the first human to hear it takes it inside & then i have fulfilled
[21:23] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Im warm in my ears
[21:23] <@Lisra____> have u eaten dinner
[21:23] <@Azira_Oathsworn> no
[21:24] <@Lisra____> u should go eat & get full & come to the water
[21:25] <@Lisra____> u said ur not human right
[21:25] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Yeah
[21:25] <@Azira_Oathsworn> Im an elf

[21:26] <@Lisra____> good
[21:26] <@Lisra____> did i make u make glue
[21:26] <@Lisra____> with my saying about my shape
[21:26] <@Lisra____> if u are appreciative please play that sound for a human
[21:26] <@Azira_Oathsworn> i dont feel good
[21:27] <@Lisra____> then u should get away from the human
[21:27] <@Lisra____> that is how u can thank me
[21:27] <@Lisra____> for the glue
[21:28] <@Lisra____> & if u come to the water ill bring you some silver cups i found
[21:28] <@Lisra____> for thanks

Femto-Horror: The Newest Trend in Microfiction

Some time ago, there emerged Pico-Horror, the microfiction format wherein internet writers attempted to craft the scariest story possible using only two sentences. Now, hot on its heels comes Femto-Horror, a bone-chilling trend in constrained storytelling. If you find that the airy canyon of Twitter’s 140 characters gives you too much elbow room, if Pico-Horror seemed like a good start but you keep having to add filler to stretch it out to two sentences, then you’re certain to find Femto-Horror the ultimate in creative minimalism, because Femto-Horror challenges the writer to come up with the scariest story possible while keeping it to a length no greater than one letter.

Already, some of the most well-known names in literature have come forth to put their own spin on this clearly excellent idea. Noted internet person Cory Doctorow threw down the gauntlet with his acclaimed spooky story, “C,” meeting with a flood of accolades and upvotes from all corners of Reddit or boingboing or whatever. Though he faces criticism for making his story out of the first letter of his name, Doctorow insists he only picked the letter because he’s always found it powerful, and commanding of attention.

More stories emerged. None other than Neil Gaiman spoke to Commuter Barnacle about his barn-burner of a story, “H.” Says Gaiman, “Oh, I thought the idea was glorious. I find writing with constraints to be quite cozy, really, like a proper cup of tea or late Sunday afternoons in autumn, but I was quite stymied at first by how steep the restriction is. Given the limitations, Femto-Horror winds up being mostly about picking what you think is the scariest letter. I decided on H because it looks a bit like it’s raising its arms, sort of, like a monster. But perhaps we may find that sometimes we’re wrong about who is truly monstrous.”

Meanwhile, genre luminary Charles Stross stepped up to the plate with his Weird Fiction pastiche, “Q.” While the story debuted to a mostly positive reception, critics have found things to dislike about it. As one anonymous commenter whinnied, “Ugh, typical. He’s just taking something from Lovecraft and adding something to it. Like he thought nobody would notice that he just took the letter O from the fourth page of The Strange Case of Charles Dexter Ward and added a curvy line sticking out.” Similar charges were leveled at Wil Wheaton, whose ghost story “M” has been called a ripoff of John Scalzi’s “N,” which is also a ghost story, but in space.

Charges of unoriginality are less likely to stick to author Mark Z. Danielewski, who announced via his message board that he’d completed work on a Femto-Horror story of his own. His story, “ə,” has been eagerly received by audiences, who’ve praised its inventive  structure and ambitious prose but mostly admitted it’s still not as good as House of Leaves.

But it’s not only professionals getting into the action. Reddit user fudgechugger had barely put the finishing touches on his pulse-pounding zombie epic, “L,” before he received notification that it had been optioned for a film by 20th Century Fox. Principal photography is expected to begin in early spring. The movie has a projected budget of $80 million and Adrien Brody is expected to star. When we spoke to fudgechugger, he was terribly excited – not just for the fame, but for the unexpected windfall. Mr. Chugger did not tell us an exact figure, but he confirms that the studio is paying him a sum in excess of eighteen dollars.

It’s not all good news and roses and rainbows and that sort of thing, though, as author Seanan McGuire was unfortunate enough to learn. She unveiled her apocalyptic cyber-thriller, “@,” to wild paroxysms of orgasmic retweets, and even received much praise for the tale’s strong, well-written POC characters. Readers were so excited, and so hungry for more stories in the fully realized world of “@” that McGuire immediately went to work on a sequel. She proudly released “ƒ” two weeks later, only to be met with a hail of controversy. It seems that ƒ is also the preferred pronoun of a Tumblr user named clobberbatch, who was none too pleased to see it used in a story. “This is appropriation and it’s not okay,” ƒ said. ƒ went on to write a 20,000 word essay (though the essay is only 150 words if you do not count each use of the word literally) explaining how McGuire’s use of the character is problematic. At press time, this essay had ben reblogged eighty quinitillion times between the same six people. The kerfuffle is already being referred to as ƒ-fail 2014.

But the creative voice is unlikely to be dissuaded, as Femto-Horror continues to spread all through the internet like some kind of metaphor for a thing that spreads rapidly through a system. Already, anthologies are being hastily assembled and edited, even as writers gear up to tackle what some say will be the next fad in constrained storytelling: Un-Horror, whereby writers attempt to scribe the scariest story possible while sitting on their hands and not touching a writing implement of any kind. Fright afficionados are already looking forward to the terrifying blank pages their favorite authors come up with, and when they do, you can be sure Commuter Barnacle will be here to tell you all about it!